Tips from Mother of the Bride

After creating and performing weddings for nearly sixty couples it was finally my turn to be Mother of the Bride - and celebrant, too! There were lots of decisions to be made, and one of the wisest was to give the bride and groom a budget to work with and then let them decide how to spend it. Having worked with many wedding vendors, I was able to offer suggestions for them to choose from. Vera felt that having an expert photographer was a high priority, and after looking over the websites I sent her she chose Frank Treacy of Costa Photography.  Looking at this photograph, you can see what a wise choice that was:

Another big decision was where to hold the ceremony and reception. Zach and Vera liked the idea of an outdoor ceremony, but for several reasons we settled on the Upper Room at the First United Presbyterian Church where we are members. One reason was that the room is accessible by wheelchair so we were able to get my mom to the ceremony. Vera was the first of my parents' eleven grandchildren to be married, so this was an important consideration.

Vera's grandmother receiving her corsage.

Our goal was to have an elegant but simple wedding and reception without spending a fortune. One way that we accomplished this was to limit the reception to three hours and provide an hors d'oeuvres buffet rather than a sit-down meal. The Oneonta Holiday Inn offered a delicious array of culinary delights, including roast turkey served on croissants by a staff member. The very reasonable price included linens and centerpieces, as well as the use of dressing rooms for the wedding party. 

One of our most difficult decisions was what to serve for dessert. These days it doesn't have to be wedding cake, and the Holiday Inn does offer a variety of sweet delights, but they do not allow you to bring in your own cakes or pies other than wedding cake. I thought long and hard about baking a wedding cake myself, to be decorated by the groom's mother, but after some research I wisely decided such an undertaking was beyond the reasonable scope of my abilities. I did, however, bake a chocolate groom's cake, which Zachary's mother and sister frosted and decorated. A lot of people here in New York have never heard of groom's cake, but it is a popular addition to wedding receptions in the South where we used to live, and in Oklahoma, where Zachary's family lives. Because we were providing the groom's cake, we were able to order a small, three-tier wedding cake, provided by Laura's Chocolates and Custom Designed Cakes. The wedding cake was decorated with blue roses and the groom's cake was topped with a tuba player (Zachary) and a pianist (Vera).

Vera and Zachary became engaged just five months before their wedding date - a short engagement by today's standards. That didn't leave a lot of time for all the plans and decisions to be made, but since they'd been hinting at wedding plans for several months before the official announcement, we had a few ideas churning ahead of time! One of the biggest decisions for a wedding is always the guest list. We had to keep our total to 75 people including the wedding party - due to budget restraints and the size of the Upper Room. We managed this by deciding that the wedding was mainly for the bride and groom, and so we invited only their friends, close relatives, and a very few family friends. 

I tried my best to convince Vera to cut back on the number of bridesmaids, but she said she had already whittled her list of attendants down to eight, and she just couldn't leave anyone else out. Consequently, we decided to order silk flowers for the wedding party which some appreciated since they could save their bouquets as mementos. 

     Vera's silk bouquet

Zachary and Vera chose Cosmic Combo as their reception DJ. Being musicians, they personally selected all of the music to be played for their guests. The Father of the Bride had a surprise for them, though. When the Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dance was announced, the music played was a recording of Vera's dad, Mark, singing "You Cannot Lose My Love." If you are a parent, and you have never heard this song, click on the link, listen, and be prepared to cry.

                                                           Father and daughter dancing.

I did learn a few things about planning a wedding that would be helpful to remember if I had it to do again. I only have one daughter, but in case these lessons would be helpful to someone else, I'll tell you what I learned.

1. Don't assume that guests will come just because they said they would. Plan on paying for a few no-shows and you won't be annoyed when it happens.

2. Mark and I hosted a breakfast for out-of-town guests the day of the wedding, thinking we'd have all afternoon to prepare for the evening ceremony. But a few guests showed up in the afternoon and thought it was a good idea to drop in on us. My suggestion is to make it clear to guests beforehand when you will be preparing for the wedding and not welcoming company.

3. I assumed that coffee would be served with the cake at the reception. I should have specified a request when we spoke to the coordinator because most of the guests had finished their cake before the coffee was served. I refused to take a bite until I had my cup of decaf, so I ate my cake alone while everyone else was up dancing!

4. Since I left the photo plans up to Vera, I didn't realize that she forgot to ask that all the guests be photographed. I really wish we had made sure we had pictures of everyone who was there. Never again will we have all of those people celebrating together in the same room. 

None of these slips are really ALL that important. The wedding was one of the most joyful occasions of my life - obviously, since I'm enjoying the memories five months later, and I'm sure I will enjoy them as long as my memory remains intact. 

One of the joys I have to mention is that our son, Peter, who lives too far away now in Wisconsin, came home to participate as Vera's Man of Honor. Peter gave a magnificent toast in which he quoted from the movie, Princess Bride, delighting everyone with these words: "Mawidge...mawidge is what bwings us togewer today... Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam... ... Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowever. . . ."

Peter van Laeys toasting the bride and groom.