Tree Theme Wedding

     Brian and Adrienne were married under the towering trees at Chenango Valley State Park on September 18th. The tree theme ran through the ceremony, with readings and references to the intertwining roots of love between the two of them. The highlight of the ceremony was a ring blessing when the wedding rings were passed among the guests. Music was played while each guest silently blessed the rings before the couple exchanged them. "This is beautiful . . . thank you," the groom whispered as the rings were passed from one friend to another. Some people even kissed the rings to symbolize their love for the couple.

How to Avoid Wedding Day Pitfalls

Doesn’t every bride dream of a perfect wedding day? Modern couples are planning their weddings further and further in advance, giving them more time to make sure that special day is perfect. Nevertheless, things can always go wrong. Promise yourselves that you’ll enjoy the day, no matter what happens, but follow these tips to prevent as many mishaps as you can.

First of all, a great over-all tip: If you do not have a wedding coordinator or other professional assisting you, enlist a “TFM.” TFM is secret code for “Trusted Family Member.” This person does not have to be a family member, but someone you can really count on who is not in the bridal party. It may be an aunt, a friend, or anyone who is well-organized and willing to take on a few tasks for the big day. Some of the things your TFM might do are: hand out the corsages and boutonnières, cue the bridal party to begin the processional, set up unity candles, sand ceremony vessels, or whatever props you need for your ceremony, and handle last-minute disasters, such as torn hems.

Worse than a torn hem is a ripped seam! Last summer I arrived at a wedding venue just as a frantic bride was calling a friend to find her a new dress because the one she had planned to wear had two torn seams. My guess is that she had not tried the dress on since she bought it. Maybe she had gained a little weight since then . . . . Make sure you try on your gown from time to time to make sure it still fits well. If your weight goes up or down it may have to be altered. Fortunately this bride was having a small, casual wedding, and wanted a cocktail length dress, which her friend was able to find at the local prom shop.

Most of the weddings that I perform take place outdoors. The ceremonies have been conducted in gazebos, on a boat, under trees, on lake docks, and under a chuppah. Most of these ceremonies have taken place on glorious, sunny days, but couples who plan to marry outside must have an alternate plan in case of inclement weather. Does the wedding venue have an indoor room or a tent that is large enough to accommodate your wedding party and guests? Is there a space that can be set aside for the ceremony? Do you want to provide umbrellas for everyone? In the movie, “Monsoon Wedding,” the guests dance joyfully in the rain after the Hindu ceremony, but most Americans are not quite that resilient.

Even couples planning an indoor ceremony may have to think about the weather, depending on the season of the wedding. Last June I attended a wedding in a chapel where one of the groomsmen fainted as the bride and groom were exchanging rings. The chapel was not air-conditioned, it was at least 90 degrees and humid, and the groomsmen were wearing tuxedo jackets and vests. For summer weddings, consider other options for menswear, such as seersucker suits and short-sleeved shirts. For the casual boat wedding I officiated at, the men wore white Hawaiian shirts. (I have also heard of groomsmen passing out drunk during the ceremony. This is not funny! If you suspect one of your bridal party might succumb, warn him that anyone showing up intoxicated will be asked to leave the ceremony site.)

Make sure you understand New York State marriage laws and apply for your license more than 24 hours before the ceremony. Better to leave a bigger window of time in case there’s a problem. I worked with one bride who was getting married for the second time and didn’t realize she had to present her divorce decree at the city clerk’s office. Her divorce papers were at her home in Florida. Fortunately, her daughter was able to send them to Oneonta just in time! The ceremony cannot be performed less than 24 hours after the license is obtained. Give the license to your officiant at the rehearsal so nobody has to worry about forgetting it on your wedding day.

Too often, guests can’t wait for the ceremony to be over and the party to begin! The ceremony should be the focus of the day - it’s the symbolic bridge that takes you from life as two separate individuals to life as a married couple. It doesn’t have to be boring! If you’re thinking: “You’ve seen one wedding, you’ve seen them all,” you haven’t been to a celebrant-led wedding! A celebrant will personalize your ceremony to make it uniquely yours. Ceremonies can be interfaith, multi-cultural, or nondenominational. Rituals may be traditional or entirely innovative. Whoever your officiant is, you have the right to ask that your ceremony reflect your values, beliefs and taste.

I hope these tips will help prevent potential problems. After you’ve taken every precaution to avoid pitfalls, you should still expect the unexpected. Life is full of surprises, and your wedding day may not be exempt from this rule. Try to have a relaxed attitude so that whatever might go wrong will be easier to deal with. The unforeseen event may be the part that you still laugh about on your tenth anniversary!

Shrek and Fiona Exchange Rings

Janine and Richard are an especially unique couple. They met on "Second Life" and the groom had to fly from Holland to meet his beloved in person! They had the names of Shrek and Fiona inscribed in their wedding rings, so we used those names for the ring vows. They also had a lovely stone ceremony in which each guest presented a stone inscribed with a blessing, such as LOVE, PASSION, FORGIVENESS, COURAGE, etc. The stones were placed together in a glass vase as the guest said something to the couple about these good wishes.

Wedding at Ventosa Vineyards

Noah and Yvonne were married under a huge oak tree at Ventosa Vineyards on Seneca Lake. It was the perfect setting for a wedding, because there is so much love symbolism in an old tree -- its branches and roots extending deeply in both directions, just as a deep love has roots in a shared past and branches out to a shared future. Yvonne and Noah didn't want any rituals or readings in their ceremony, but it was still full of humor and meaning because of the wonderful story they allowed me to share with their guests. These two doctors have a lot of love and humor to share with each other and their patients as well!

Handfasting Ceremony

Kate and Travis were married under a graceful white arch that the groom had built and placed in front of Oquaga Lake. The ceremony took place at Scott's Inn last Saturday. Miraculously, it didn't rain, and the wind didn't blow! There were several highlights, including the two-year-old ring boy, toddling down the aisle in his little white suit, and the handfasting ceremony for which the bride had braided cords of ribbon in six colors, each symbolic of an attribute the couple will aspire to in their marriage.

Kate said afterward:"I just wanted to say thank you and that our ceremony was so beautiful. All of our guests were telling us how beautiful and unique it was, and everyone who really knows us said it was so perfect for us and reflective of who we are."

www.customceremonies-in-the-hearland.com

Genaganslet Lake Wedding

Kyle and Julia are a delightful couple who met in a most unusual way. They were both looking for an apartment at the same time and decided to share one after meeting in the realtor's office. So they were apt-mates FIRST - then friends, and then sweethearts. On July 11th they became husband and wife at the lake home of Julia's family. An afternoon downpour spoiled their plans to be married on the dock, but under the tent we were able to have the Unity Candle Ceremony without fear of the flame going out! The inclusion of Kyle and Julia's love story in the ceremony brought lots of smiles and tears to the guests' faces. Afterward the sun came out and the bridal party was able to go out on the dock for pictures. When I get one I'll add it to this blog!

Wedding with Egyptian Embellishments

We've all heard the saying: "Just follow the instructions!" If this groom had followed instructions when signing up for a math tutor he wouldn't have met Jaime, the love of his life. They felt something click between them at their very first tutorial, and four years later they took their vows and exchanged rings engraved with Egyptian hieroglyphics. Jaime has a deep fascination with ancient Egypt, so there were several references to Egypt in the ceremony. I loved the words that Jaime wrote in her vow to Jake: "In ancient Egypt it was believed that you could get into the afterlife only if your name was written and protected. I have written your name in my heart." Later everyone partook of a cake decorated with Egyptian hieroglyphics!

Photo by Meg Argo

www.customceremonies-in-the-heartland.com

Butterfly Wedding

Dustin and Jennifer's wedding on Oquaga Lake was just beautiful! They were married on the dock at the Chestnut Inn in Deposit on May 23, 2009. The bride was gorgeous and glowing, but Dustin's 5-year-old daughter, Destiny, was almost just as pretty. She played a very important part in the ceremony which included a sand ritual and a butterfly release. First, I poured the natural-colored sand to represent the marriage's foundation of unconditional love; then Dustin, Jen, and Destiny each poured a different color of sand into the vase to symbolize the blending of these three individuals into one harmonious family. Jen read her vow to Destiny, promising that she would always be present to help her learn and grow, and gave her a butterfly necklace. At the close of the ceremony it was Destiny's job to release the butterflies that symbolize new beginnings, freedom, and happiness. One butterfly just sat on Destiny's hand and she said delightedly: "It wants to stay with me!"

Lots of Laughs!

Photo by Gerry Raymonda

Rick and Chanda were married on April 25, 2009 at the Oneonta Holiday Inn. Rick is an avid bow hunter, and Chanda is becoming one, so I began their ceremony with these words: "Finding true love is like spotting a bobcat in the New York woods -- you can search for a very long time -- eventually you may find it, but then again you may not. Rick and Chanda are two of the lucky ones who found true love with each other." Rick and his groomsmen wore camoflauge vests under their jackets and the bridesmaids wore green and brown dresses that lent a "woodsy" feel to the ceremony even though it was held inside. We're probably laughing about Rick's nickname "Hot Job" in the photo above.

Interfaith Wedding

I pronounced Dan and Rachel husband and wife under a chuppah outside the Latourelle Resort in Ithaca, New York on October 19, 2008. It was a beautiful, but cool fall afternoon, so I was glad to see the bride and her attendants wore pretty shawls over their dresses. The interfaith service included a reading of 1st Corinthian 13 and the Seven Blessings that are traditional in a Jewish wedding. The service ended with a wine sharing and breaking of the glass. Nobody had remembered to put the wine out for the ceremony, so two waiters came out, each bearing a glass of wine, not realizing we only needed one for the ritual! The bride and groom sipped from the same cup, "symbolically affirming that throughout life they will experience both joy and sorrow, but always together."

"Love is the glue . . ."

Tanya and Alberto were married on October 11, 2008, eight years after their first meeting in NYC. The wedding took place at the Owego Treadway Inn's gazebo on a beautiful fall afternoon. One of its highlights was Alberto's mother reading First Corinthians 13 in Spanish. What a beautiful language!
This couple had been through a lot together during their eight years together, but Tanya says: "I usually feel closest to Alberto in the face of adversity. For example, we were both living in the City on September 11, 2001, and we really had to support each other through our feelings of shock and loss." That's why I quoted a Marydel Roszenfield poem at their wedding: "Love is the glue that makes us stick, that holds us together through thin and thick." The glue holding this couple together is so Super-glue thick, I just know their marriage will last for the rest of their lives!

Family Affair

Bruce and Amy's wedding on September 7, 2008 was a real family affair. Their niece, Sarah,sang the processional song, "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissete. Best man and matron-of-honor were Bruce's son, Todd, and his wife, Erin. The ceremony included a wedding sand ritual in which Amy, Bruce, Todd, and Erin all poured sands of different colors into a monogrammed vase to symbolize the blending of their personalities into one harmonious family. Nephew, Nick, read a passage from "Love is Walking Hand in Hand" by Charles Schultz. The line: "Love is passing notes back and forth in school" was especially appropriate for this couple who met at work where they passed love notes to each other! Their wedding took place at Tipperary Hill, a beautiful spot for an outdoor ceremony.