Local Woman Honored for Wedding Work

By Mark Boshnack, Oneonta Daily Star Staff Writer

The Daily Star Tue Feb 01, 2011, 02:30 AM EST

An Oneonta business that helps couples craft a memorable wedding has earned national recognition, two involved said.

Emily VanLaeys of Custom Ceremonies was recently named a recipient of the 2011 WeddingWire Bride's Choice Award for professional wedding officiant, according to a media release.

The awards, in a number of categories, were determined by recent reviews and surveys from more than 750,000 WeddingWire newlyweds, according to the release.

An officiant is anyone who performs a wedding ceremony, WeddingWire spokeswoman Kate Hoffman said. This is the third year for the awards.

"It's always good to be recognized for doing a good job," VanLaeys said.

Her service provides more than a traditional officiant, she said. As a celebrant she works with couples, through an interview, to provide a personalized wedding service.

"It's exclusive to that couple," she said.

WeddingWire provides awards in 20 categories that cover the range of the wedding industry from photographers to florists, Hoffman said. Winners are chosen by past clients. They have shown their commitment to quality, she said.

VanLaeys started the business about three years ago after reading about the service in an article in a wedding magazine, she said.

She has worked as a freelance writer and realized it would be a perfect fit, VanLaeys said. She really enjoys working with people "on one of the most important days of their lives," she said.

She has been married for 34 years, she said.

VanLaeys said she was hopeful the institution has a bright future.

"The people that I marry seem to be full of joy and love. That is what I love about the job," she said.

With eight weddings the first year and 16 in 2010, "I'm doing a little better each year," she said. VanLaeys said she hoped her award will continue that trend.

Leave Room for Laughter in Your Ceremony!

Photo by Ed Guarente

       Your wedding ceremony does not have to be all solemn, serious, and tearful – not unless you want it to be. Yes, you are making a serious commitment to each other, but you are also celebrating your love and your decision to make this commitment. Celebrations should be fun, and you don’t have to wait for the reception to laugh and enjoy yourselves.

       When you hire a celebrant to create and perform your ceremony, you can be sure she will make every effort to balance the solemnity of the occasion with laughter. If there is a humorous side to your love story, she will include it in the ceremony -- at least to the extent that you will allow it! Here's an excerpt from one of my weddings:

"It seems that the most memorable aspect of their first date is that Bruce prepared green beans, the ONLY vegetable that Amy won’t eat. Amy tried valiantly to swallow one, but couldn’t manage more than a nibble. That was the last time that Bruce ever cooked green beans!"

       Then there was the proposal story in which the groom had given his bride a ceramic tile painted by a Mexican artist. The bride had accepted his proposal, but then started to giggle. I told this story during the ceremony: "She asked him if he had noticed how the artist spelled what he had told him to write: 'M-e-r-r-y me instead of m-a-r-r-y me.' They had a good laugh over that and still laugh about it sometimes. After all, both spellings are appropriate for Jess and Bob, because they have many merry times together and are certain to have a merry married life in the future!"

       If you'd like to include a humorous reading, your celebrant can suggest one. The feeling of a celebrant-led ceremony will be so relaxed, you will feel free to add bits of humor yourselves. During one outdoor ceremony, the bride flicked a spider off of the groom's tuxedo as she was repeating her vows, adding the line: "I promise to remove all of the spiders that land on you!" Then there was the ceremony where the bride and groom shared a glass of wine. The groom took a sip, then passed the glass to his bride, who chugged the rest of the wine in one gallant swallow, while the guests laughed in delight.

       Sometimes there will be a mishap in a well-planned ceremony. I've participated in a wine sharing when the wine glass was missing - then two waiters brought two glasses of wine, not realizing the bride and groom were to share one glass! Another ceremony was disrupted by a tall glass vase being blown over by the wind and shattering on the gazebo floor. Then there was the bride who nearly tripped over the train that her maid-of-honor forgot to pick up. Fortunately she didn't fall, so we could laugh about it. As long as nobody is hurt, it's best to laugh about mistakes, just as you will during your marriage. Laughter will lift you over the bumps in your ceremony, and the bumps in your life, as well!

Nature-Theme Weddings

As increasing numbers of people are recognizing their kinship with Nature, more and more couples are electing to take their marriage vows in the great outdoors. The majority of the weddings I have performed in my three years as a wedding celebrant have taken place in the open air. I have conducted ceremonies in a boat on a lake, on lakeshores and riverbanks, on farms, in gardens, and in parks. Once upon a time, if a marriage was not sanctioned in a church, the only choice was a courthouse or a judge’s office. Now that the concept of celebrancy has made it possible for couples to have meaningful ceremonies without the benefit of a specific religious clergyperson, the venue selection for weddings is limited only by the logistics of getting guests and celebrant to the chosen site.

Outdoor wedding sites lend themselves to the incorporation of readings and symbolism that compare the beauty and love of nature with the love shared by the bride and groom. One of my favorites is this excerpt from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together

that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathless, it is not excitement,

it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. . . .

That is just ‘being in love’ which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,

and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

May your roots grow towards each other underground,

and when all the pretty blossoms fall from your branches,

you find out that you are one tree, and not two.

The couples who choose this reading for their wedding ceremony have realized that yes, their roots are so entwined that they never want to part, and they love to spend time outside together.

Sometimes a couple chooses to marry during a particular season because of what it symbolizes to them. I performed a late August wedding at a farm, where the bridal party stood with me in front of a golden corn field, under a deep blue sky. In the opening words to their ceremony I told their guests that they had been invited “to witness this blessed union at Maple Shade Farm, where the fruits of divine creation and human labor are harvested, because the bride and groom view their marriage as an opportunity to celebrate their eternal, spiritual connection with the earth and all of God's creation, as well as with each other. They chose to marry at this time because they feel that the ripe corn symbolizes the strength and abundance of the relationship they have been nurturing these past three years, and the love that provides nourishment for their souls.” Later, as the bride and groom took their vows, a flock of ravens rose up from the cornfield and soared overhead to bless the couple with their magnificence.

Nature often bestows her personal gift on the bride and groom that choose to marry outdoors. During one mountain-top wedding a Monarch butterfly fluttered around the couple throughout the entire ceremony. Another farm wedding was blessed by a hummingbird that hovered over the bride’s bouquet of sunflowers as she took her vows!

An outdoor wedding poses certain challenges such as: making alternate plans in case of inclement weather and foregoing candles and tall flower vases that may be blown over by a sudden gust of wind. But for those who love the beauty of nature, and for those who feel most connected to the divine essence of life when they are among trees or on a waterfront, an outdoor wedding with a nature-theme ceremony can be the most meaningful way to celebrate a new beginning as husband and wife.

Tree Theme Wedding

     Brian and Adrienne were married under the towering trees at Chenango Valley State Park on September 18th. The tree theme ran through the ceremony, with readings and references to the intertwining roots of love between the two of them. The highlight of the ceremony was a ring blessing when the wedding rings were passed among the guests. Music was played while each guest silently blessed the rings before the couple exchanged them. "This is beautiful . . . thank you," the groom whispered as the rings were passed from one friend to another. Some people even kissed the rings to symbolize their love for the couple.

How to Avoid Wedding Day Pitfalls

Doesn’t every bride dream of a perfect wedding day? Modern couples are planning their weddings further and further in advance, giving them more time to make sure that special day is perfect. Nevertheless, things can always go wrong. Promise yourselves that you’ll enjoy the day, no matter what happens, but follow these tips to prevent as many mishaps as you can.

First of all, a great over-all tip: If you do not have a wedding coordinator or other professional assisting you, enlist a “TFM.” TFM is secret code for “Trusted Family Member.” This person does not have to be a family member, but someone you can really count on who is not in the bridal party. It may be an aunt, a friend, or anyone who is well-organized and willing to take on a few tasks for the big day. Some of the things your TFM might do are: hand out the corsages and boutonnières, cue the bridal party to begin the processional, set up unity candles, sand ceremony vessels, or whatever props you need for your ceremony, and handle last-minute disasters, such as torn hems.

Worse than a torn hem is a ripped seam! Last summer I arrived at a wedding venue just as a frantic bride was calling a friend to find her a new dress because the one she had planned to wear had two torn seams. My guess is that she had not tried the dress on since she bought it. Maybe she had gained a little weight since then . . . . Make sure you try on your gown from time to time to make sure it still fits well. If your weight goes up or down it may have to be altered. Fortunately this bride was having a small, casual wedding, and wanted a cocktail length dress, which her friend was able to find at the local prom shop.

Most of the weddings that I perform take place outdoors. The ceremonies have been conducted in gazebos, on a boat, under trees, on lake docks, and under a chuppah. Most of these ceremonies have taken place on glorious, sunny days, but couples who plan to marry outside must have an alternate plan in case of inclement weather. Does the wedding venue have an indoor room or a tent that is large enough to accommodate your wedding party and guests? Is there a space that can be set aside for the ceremony? Do you want to provide umbrellas for everyone? In the movie, “Monsoon Wedding,” the guests dance joyfully in the rain after the Hindu ceremony, but most Americans are not quite that resilient.

Even couples planning an indoor ceremony may have to think about the weather, depending on the season of the wedding. Last June I attended a wedding in a chapel where one of the groomsmen fainted as the bride and groom were exchanging rings. The chapel was not air-conditioned, it was at least 90 degrees and humid, and the groomsmen were wearing tuxedo jackets and vests. For summer weddings, consider other options for menswear, such as seersucker suits and short-sleeved shirts. For the casual boat wedding I officiated at, the men wore white Hawaiian shirts. (I have also heard of groomsmen passing out drunk during the ceremony. This is not funny! If you suspect one of your bridal party might succumb, warn him that anyone showing up intoxicated will be asked to leave the ceremony site.)

Make sure you understand New York State marriage laws and apply for your license more than 24 hours before the ceremony. Better to leave a bigger window of time in case there’s a problem. I worked with one bride who was getting married for the second time and didn’t realize she had to present her divorce decree at the city clerk’s office. Her divorce papers were at her home in Florida. Fortunately, her daughter was able to send them to Oneonta just in time! The ceremony cannot be performed less than 24 hours after the license is obtained. Give the license to your officiant at the rehearsal so nobody has to worry about forgetting it on your wedding day.

Too often, guests can’t wait for the ceremony to be over and the party to begin! The ceremony should be the focus of the day - it’s the symbolic bridge that takes you from life as two separate individuals to life as a married couple. It doesn’t have to be boring! If you’re thinking: “You’ve seen one wedding, you’ve seen them all,” you haven’t been to a celebrant-led wedding! A celebrant will personalize your ceremony to make it uniquely yours. Ceremonies can be interfaith, multi-cultural, or nondenominational. Rituals may be traditional or entirely innovative. Whoever your officiant is, you have the right to ask that your ceremony reflect your values, beliefs and taste.

I hope these tips will help prevent potential problems. After you’ve taken every precaution to avoid pitfalls, you should still expect the unexpected. Life is full of surprises, and your wedding day may not be exempt from this rule. Try to have a relaxed attitude so that whatever might go wrong will be easier to deal with. The unforeseen event may be the part that you still laugh about on your tenth anniversary!