Emily's Wedding Ceremonies

Local Woman Honored for Wedding Work

2011-02-01T10:17:00.003-05:00

By Mark Boshnack, Oneonta Daily Star Staff Writer

The Daily Star Tue Feb 01, 2011, 02:30 AM EST

An Oneonta business that helps couples craft a memorable wedding has earned national recognition, two involved said.

Emily VanLaeys of Custom Ceremonies was recently named a recipient of the 2011 WeddingWire Bride's Choice Award for professional wedding officiant, according to a media release.

The awards, in a number of categories, were determined by recent reviews and surveys from more than 750,000 WeddingWire newlyweds, according to the release.

An officiant is anyone who performs a wedding ceremony, WeddingWire spokeswoman Kate Hoffman said. This is the third year for the awards.

"It's always good to be recognized for doing a good job," VanLaeys said.

Her service provides more than a traditional officiant, she said. As a celebrant she works with couples, through an interview, to provide a personalized wedding service.

"It's exclusive to that couple," she said.

WeddingWire provides awards in 20 categories that cover the range of the wedding industry from photographers to florists, Hoffman said. Winners are chosen by past clients. They have shown their commitment to quality, she said.

VanLaeys started the business about three years ago after reading about the service in an article in a wedding magazine, she said.

She has worked as a freelance writer and realized it would be a perfect fit, VanLaeys said. She really enjoys working with people "on one of the most important days of their lives," she said.

She has been married for 34 years, she said.

VanLaeys said she was hopeful the institution has a bright future.

"The people that I marry seem to be full of joy and love. That is what I love about the job," she said.

With eight weddings the first year and 16 in 2010, "I'm doing a little better each year," she said. VanLaeys said she hoped her award will continue that trend.

Leave Room for Laughter in Your Ceremony!

2010-10-29T11:15:00.005-04:00

Photo by Ed Guarente

Your wedding ceremony does not have to be all solemn, serious, and tearful – not unless you want it to be. Yes, you are making a serious commitment to each other, but you are also celebrating your love and your decision to make this commitment. Celebrations should be fun, and you don’t have to wait for the reception to laugh and enjoy yourselves.

When you hire a celebrant to create and perform your ceremony, you can be sure she will make every effort to balance the solemnity of the occasion with laughter. If there is a humorous side to your love story, she will include it in the ceremony -- at least to the extent that you will allow it! Here's an excerpt from one of my weddings:

"It seems that the most memorable aspect of their first date is that Bruce prepared green beans, the ONLY vegetable that Amy won’t eat. Amy tried valiantly to swallow one, but couldn’t manage more than a nibble. That was the last time that Bruce ever cooked green beans!"

Then there was the proposal story in which the groom had given his bride a ceramic tile painted by a Mexican artist. The bride had accepted his proposal, but then started to giggle. I told this story during the ceremony: "She asked him if he had noticed how the artist spelled what he had told him to write: 'M-e-r-r-y me instead of m-a-r-r-y me.' They had a good laugh over that and still laugh about it sometimes. After all, both spellings are appropriate for Jess and Bob, because they have many merry times together and are certain to have a merry married life in the future!"

If you'd like to include a humorous reading, your celebrant can suggest one. The feeling of a celebrant-led ceremony will be so relaxed, you will feel free to add bits of humor yourselves. During one outdoor ceremony, the bride flicked a spider off of the groom's tuxedo as she was repeating her vows, adding the line: "I promise to remove all of the spiders that land on you!" Then there was the ceremony where the bride and groom shared a glass of wine. The groom took a sip, then passed the glass to his bride, who chugged the rest of the wine in one gallant swallow, while the guests laughed in delight.

Sometimes there will be a mishap in a well-planned ceremony. I've participated in a wine sharing when the wine glass was missing - then two waiters brought two glasses of wine, not realizing the bride and groom were to share one glass! Another ceremony was disrupted by a tall glass vase being blown over by the wind and shattering on the gazebo floor. Then there was the bride who nearly tripped over the train that her maid-of-honor forgot to pick up. Fortunately she didn't fall, so we could laugh about it. As long as nobody is hurt, it's best to laugh about mistakes, just as you will during your marriage. Laughter will lift you over the bumps in your ceremony, and the bumps in your life, as well!

Nature-Theme Weddings

2010-09-21T09:37:00.004-04:00

As increasing numbers of people are recognizing their kinship with Nature, more and more couples are electing to take their marriage vows in the great outdoors. The majority of the weddings I have performed in my three years as a wedding celebrant have taken place in the open air. I have conducted ceremonies in a boat on a lake, on lakeshores and riverbanks, on farms, in gardens, and in parks. Once upon a time, if a marriage was not sanctioned in a church, the only choice was a courthouse or a judge’s office. Now that the concept of celebrancy has made it possible for couples to have meaningful ceremonies without the benefit of a specific religious clergyperson, the venue selection for weddings is limited only by the logistics of getting guests and celebrant to the chosen site.

Outdoor wedding sites lend themselves to the incorporation of readings and symbolism that compare the beauty and love of nature with the love shared by the bride and groom. One of my favorites is this excerpt from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together

that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathless, it is not excitement,

it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. . . .

That is just ‘being in love’ which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,

and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

May your roots grow towards each other underground,

and when all the pretty blossoms fall from your branches,

you find out that you are one tree, and not two.

The couples who choose this reading for their wedding ceremony have realized that yes, their roots are so entwined that they never want to part, and they love to spend time outside together.

Sometimes a couple chooses to marry during a particular season because of what it symbolizes to them. I performed a late August wedding at a farm, where the bridal party stood with me in front of a golden corn field, under a deep blue sky. In the opening words to their ceremony I told their guests that they had been invited “to witness this blessed union at Maple Shade Farm, where the fruits of divine creation and human labor are harvested, because the bride and groom view their marriage as an opportunity to celebrate their eternal, spiritual connection with the earth and all of God's creation, as well as with each other. They chose to marry at this time because they feel that the ripe corn symbolizes the strength and abundance of the relationship they have been nurturing these past three years, and the love that provides nourishment for their souls.” Later, as the bride and groom took their vows, a flock of ravens rose up from the cornfield and soared overhead to bless the couple with their magnificence.

Nature often bestows her personal gift on the bride and groom that choose to marry outdoors. During one mountain-top wedding a Monarch butterfly fluttered around the couple throughout the entire ceremony. Another farm wedding was blessed by a hummingbird that hovered over the bride’s bouquet of sunflowers as she took her vows!

An outdoor wedding poses certain challenges such as: making alternate plans in case of inclement weather and foregoing candles and tall flower vases that may be blown over by a sudden gust of wind. But for those who love the beauty of nature, and for those who feel most connected to the divine essence of life when they are among trees or on a waterfront, an outdoor wedding with a nature-theme ceremony can be the most meaningful way to celebrate a new beginning as husband and wife.

Tree Theme Wedding

2009-10-19T08:38:00.003-04:00

Brian and Adrienne were married under the towering trees at Chenango Valley State Park on September 18th. The tree theme ran through the ceremony, with readings and references to the intertwining roots of love between the two of them. The highlight of the ceremony was a ring blessing when the wedding rings were passed among the guests. Music was played while each guest silently blessed the rings before the couple exchanged them. "This is beautiful . . . thank you," the groom whispered as the rings were passed from one friend to another. Some people even kissed the rings to symbolize their love for the couple.

How to Avoid Wedding Day Pitfalls

2009-10-15T18:11:00.000-04:00

Doesn’t every bride dream of a perfect wedding day? Modern couples are planning their weddings further and further in advance, giving them more time to make sure that special day is perfect. Nevertheless, things can always go wrong. Promise yourselves that you’ll enjoy the day, no matter what happens, but follow these tips to prevent as many mishaps as you can.

First of all, a great over-all tip: If you do not have a wedding coordinator or other professional assisting you, enlist a “TFM.” TFM is secret code for “Trusted Family Member.” This person does not have to be a family member, but someone you can really count on who is not in the bridal party. It may be an aunt, a friend, or anyone who is well-organized and willing to take on a few tasks for the big day. Some of the things your TFM might do are: hand out the corsages and boutonnières, cue the bridal party to begin the processional, set up unity candles, sand ceremony vessels, or whatever props you need for your ceremony, and handle last-minute disasters, such as torn hems.

Worse than a torn hem is a ripped seam! Last summer I arrived at a wedding venue just as a frantic bride was calling a friend to find her a new dress because the one she had planned to wear had two torn seams. My guess is that she had not tried the dress on since she bought it. Maybe she had gained a little weight since then . . . . Make sure you try on your gown from time to time to make sure it still fits well. If your weight goes up or down it may have to be altered. Fortunately this bride was having a small, casual wedding, and wanted a cocktail length dress, which her friend was able to find at the local prom shop.

Most of the weddings that I perform take place outdoors. The ceremonies have been conducted in gazebos, on a boat, under trees, on lake docks, and under a chuppah. Most of these ceremonies have taken place on glorious, sunny days, but couples who plan to marry outside must have an alternate plan in case of inclement weather. Does the wedding venue have an indoor room or a tent that is large enough to accommodate your wedding party and guests? Is there a space that can be set aside for the ceremony? Do you want to provide umbrellas for everyone? In the movie, “Monsoon Wedding,” the guests dance joyfully in the rain after the Hindu ceremony, but most Americans are not quite that resilient.

Even couples planning an indoor ceremony may have to think about the weather, depending on the season of the wedding. Last June I attended a wedding in a chapel where one of the groomsmen fainted as the bride and groom were exchanging rings. The chapel was not air-conditioned, it was at least 90 degrees and humid, and the groomsmen were wearing tuxedo jackets and vests. For summer weddings, consider other options for menswear, such as seersucker suits and short-sleeved shirts. For the casual boat wedding I officiated at, the men wore white Hawaiian shirts. (I have also heard of groomsmen passing out drunk during the ceremony. This is not funny! If you suspect one of your bridal party might succumb, warn him that anyone showing up intoxicated will be asked to leave the ceremony site.)

Make sure you understand New York State marriage laws and apply for your license more than 24 hours before the ceremony. Better to leave a bigger window of time in case there’s a problem. I worked with one bride who was getting married for the second time and didn’t realize she had to present her divorce decree at the city clerk’s office. Her divorce papers were at her home in Florida. Fortunately, her daughter was able to send them to Oneonta just in time! The ceremony cannot be performed less than 24 hours after the license is obtained. Give the license to your officiant at the rehearsal so nobody has to worry about forgetting it on your wedding day.

Too often, guests can’t wait for the ceremony to be over and the party to begin! The ceremony should be the focus of the day - it’s the symbolic bridge that takes you from life as two separate individuals to life as a married couple. It doesn’t have to be boring! If you’re thinking: “You’ve seen one wedding, you’ve seen them all,” you haven’t been to a celebrant-led wedding! A celebrant will personalize your ceremony to make it uniquely yours. Ceremonies can be interfaith, multi-cultural, or nondenominational. Rituals may be traditional or entirely innovative. Whoever your officiant is, you have the right to ask that your ceremony reflect your values, beliefs and taste.

I hope these tips will help prevent potential problems. After you’ve taken every precaution to avoid pitfalls, you should still expect the unexpected. Life is full of surprises, and your wedding day may not be exempt from this rule. Try to have a relaxed attitude so that whatever might go wrong will be easier to deal with. The unforeseen event may be the part that you still laugh about on your tenth anniversary!

Shrek and Fiona Exchange Rings

2009-08-26T09:44:00.003-04:00

Janine and Richard are an especially unique couple. They met on "Second Life" and the groom had to fly from Holland to meet his beloved in person! They had the names of Shrek and Fiona inscribed in their wedding rings, so we used those names for the ring vows. They also had a lovely stone ceremony in which each guest presented a stone inscribed with a blessing, such as LOVE, PASSION, FORGIVENESS, COURAGE, etc. The stones were placed together in a glass vase as the guest said something to the couple about these good wishes.

Wedding at Ventosa Vineyards

2009-08-16T17:48:00.002-04:00

Noah and Yvonne were married under a huge oak tree at Ventosa Vineyards on Seneca Lake. It was the perfect setting for a wedding, because there is so much love symbolism in an old tree -- its branches and roots extending deeply in both directions, just as a deep love has roots in a shared past and branches out to a shared future. Yvonne and Noah didn't want any rituals or readings in their ceremony, but it was still full of humor and meaning because of the wonderful story they allowed me to share with their guests. These two doctors have a lot of love and humor to share with each other and their patients as well!

Handfasting Ceremony

2009-08-14T19:58:00.006-04:00

Kate and Travis were married under a graceful white arch that the groom had built and placed in front of Oquaga Lake. The ceremony took place at Scott's Inn last Saturday. Miraculously, it didn't rain, and the wind didn't blow! There were several highlights, including the two-year-old ring boy, toddling down the aisle in his little white suit, and the handfasting ceremony for which the bride had braided cords of ribbon in six colors, each symbolic of an attribute the couple will aspire to in their marriage.

Kate said afterward:"I just wanted to say thank you and that our ceremony was so beautiful. All of our guests were telling us how beautiful and unique it was, and everyone who really knows us said it was so perfect for us and reflective of who we are."

www.customceremonies-in-the-hearland.com

Genaganslet Lake Wedding

2009-08-10T16:20:00.001-04:00

Kyle and Julia are a delightful couple who met in a most unusual way. They were both looking for an apartment at the same time and decided to share one after meeting in the realtor's office. So they were apt-mates FIRST - then friends, and then sweethearts. On July 11th they became husband and wife at the lake home of Julia's family. An afternoon downpour spoiled their plans to be married on the dock, but under the tent we were able to have the Unity Candle Ceremony without fear of the flame going out! The inclusion of Kyle and Julia's love story in the ceremony brought lots of smiles and tears to the guests' faces. Afterward the sun came out and the bridal party was able to go out on the dock for pictures. When I get one I'll add it to this blog!

Wedding with Egyptian Embellishments

2009-07-30T20:57:00.008-04:00

We've all heard the saying: "Just follow the instructions!" If this groom had followed instructions when signing up for a math tutor he wouldn't have met Jaime, the love of his life. They felt something click between them at their very first tutorial, and four years later they took their vows and exchanged rings engraved with Egyptian hieroglyphics. Jaime has a deep fascination with ancient Egypt, so there were several references to Egypt in the ceremony. I loved the words that Jaime wrote in her vow to Jake: "In ancient Egypt it was believed that you could get into the afterlife only if your name was written and protected. I have written your name in my heart." Later everyone partook of a cake decorated with Egyptian hieroglyphics!

Photo by Meg Argo

www.customceremonies-in-the-heartland.com

Butterfly Wedding

2009-07-29T18:47:00.004-04:00

Dustin and Jennifer's wedding on Oquaga Lake was just beautiful! They were married on the dock at the Chestnut Inn in Deposit on May 23, 2009. The bride was gorgeous and glowing, but Dustin's 5-year-old daughter, Destiny, was almost just as pretty. She played a very important part in the ceremony which included a sand ritual and a butterfly release. First, I poured the natural-colored sand to represent the marriage's foundation of unconditional love; then Dustin, Jen, and Destiny each poured a different color of sand into the vase to symbolize the blending of these three individuals into one harmonious family. Jen read her vow to Destiny, promising that she would always be present to help her learn and grow, and gave her a butterfly necklace. At the close of the ceremony it was Destiny's job to release the butterflies that symbolize new beginnings, freedom, and happiness. One butterfly just sat on Destiny's hand and she said delightedly: "It wants to stay with me!"

Lots of Laughs!

2009-07-29T09:19:00.005-04:00

Photo by Gerry Raymonda

Rick and Chanda were married on April 25, 2009 at the Oneonta Holiday Inn. Rick is an avid bow hunter, and Chanda is becoming one, so I began their ceremony with these words: "Finding true love is like spotting a bobcat in the New York woods -- you can search for a very long time -- eventually you may find it, but then again you may not. Rick and Chanda are two of the lucky ones who found true love with each other." Rick and his groomsmen wore camoflauge vests under their jackets and the bridesmaids wore green and brown dresses that lent a "woodsy" feel to the ceremony even though it was held inside. We're probably laughing about Rick's nickname "Hot Job" in the photo above.

Interfaith Wedding

2009-07-28T08:20:00.004-04:00

I pronounced Dan and Rachel husband and wife under a chuppah outside the Latourelle Resort in Ithaca, New York on October 19, 2008. It was a beautiful, but cool fall afternoon, so I was glad to see the bride and her attendants wore pretty shawls over their dresses. The interfaith service included a reading of 1st Corinthian 13 and the Seven Blessings that are traditional in a Jewish wedding. The service ended with a wine sharing and breaking of the glass. Nobody had remembered to put the wine out for the ceremony, so two waiters came out, each bearing a glass of wine, not realizing we only needed one for the ritual! The bride and groom sipped from the same cup, "symbolically affirming that throughout life they will experience both joy and sorrow, but always together."

"Love is the glue . . ."

2009-07-27T21:05:00.000-04:00

Tanya and Alberto were married on October 11, 2008, eight years after their first meeting in NYC. The wedding took place at the Owego Treadway Inn's gazebo on a beautiful fall afternoon. One of its highlights was Alberto's mother reading First Corinthians 13 in Spanish. What a beautiful language!
This couple had been through a lot together during their eight years together, but Tanya says: "I usually feel closest to Alberto in the face of adversity. For example, we were both living in the City on September 11, 2001, and we really had to support each other through our feelings of shock and loss." That's why I quoted a Marydel Roszenfield poem at their wedding: "Love is the glue that makes us stick, that holds us together through thin and thick." The glue holding this couple together is so Super-glue thick, I just know their marriage will last for the rest of their lives!

Family Affair

2009-07-27T11:22:00.000-04:00

Bruce and Amy's wedding on September 7, 2008 was a real family affair. Their niece, Sarah,sang the processional song, "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissete. Best man and matron-of-honor were Bruce's son, Todd, and his wife, Erin. The ceremony included a wedding sand ritual in which Amy, Bruce, Todd, and Erin all poured sands of different colors into a monogrammed vase to symbolize the blending of their personalities into one harmonious family. Nephew, Nick, read a passage from "Love is Walking Hand in Hand" by Charles Schultz. The line: "Love is passing notes back and forth in school" was especially appropriate for this couple who met at work where they passed love notes to each other! Their wedding took place at Tipperary Hill, a beautiful spot for an outdoor ceremony.

Surprise Wedding

2008-11-13T08:42:00.000-05:00

In August I had the pleasure of participating in a surprise wedding! The couple was engaged, but most of their family and friends had no idea when the wedding would take place. The bride invited them to a surprise birthday party for the groom at a local restaurant. The decorations were black and silver - nothing that hinted of a wedding celebration. The groom pretended to be surprised when he walked in, but soon it was the guests who were surprised when I announced that a wedding was about to take place.

This is a great idea for a couple who wants a casual, low-key wedding. The groom wore a suit and the bride wore a black cocktail dress. The best man and maid-of-honor were among the few who knew about the wedding beforehand. The ceremony that I created for them on two-weeks notice was brief, but humorous and meaningful.

This is the way I described their relationship: "Things couldn’t help but be a little crazy in a home where the man is the outdoors type, whose favorite hobby is ice fishing, and the woman is a shop-aholic! Stephanie confesses that she has never, and will never, go fishing in the middle of the winter, but Steve has watched QVC with her for hours, while she has shopped for just the right purse. Now that is what I call True Love! These two have totally opposite personalities, but they balance each other perfectly, and they share a common goal - to have a happy, healthy family."

There was a lot of laughter and some tears during the ceremony as the guests realized they were actually witnessing a wedding, not just a birthday party - and it was a lot more memorable!

Lake Wedding

2008-09-19T09:38:00.001-04:00

What could be more fun than a boat wedding on Goodyear Lake? How many celebrants get to spend their rehearsal hour out on a boat on a beautiful afternoon while the pilot practices getting the boat into the right position for the ceremony? This is what I got to do this past July when I officiated at the wedding of two water-lovers, Les and Holly.

On the wedding day the guests stood up on the tiered deck of Les's lake-front cottage while we processed down to the dock, onto the boat, and then out onto the water. There was just room on the boat for we three, the best man and maid-of-honor, and the pilot. I used a microphone so that those on the deck could hear me above the lake breeze. The ceremony was simple, without any rituals, but I think the boatride itself was a ritual, symbolic of this couple's love for water - both lake and ocean. Their first date was a walk on the ocean beach in Florida, and most of their time together is spent either in Florida or at the lake cottage. The bride and her daughter, the maid-of-honor, wore shell necklaces and shell belts, and the men wore white Hawaiian shirts. Even the wedding cake was decorated with white scallops!

My First Wedding

2008-09-17T21:15:00.001-04:00

Just a few weeks after receiving my certification, I received a phone call from a young bride who wanted me to marry her and her beloved - that day! It would be a simple ceremony in their backyard - no attendants, no flowers, no rings, and no guests except for her parents. I told her that I really needed a little time to prepare the ceremony. We agreed to hold it the next day. In that time I was able to create a brief, but meaningful and joyful ceremony, the bride and groom bought rings and a white sundress for her, and the bride's family set up a ceremony and reception site at the American Legion, complete with flowers, balloons, and refreshments. About two dozen guests showed up for the wedding that almost wasn't!

I learned that the hastiness of the wedding was due to the fact that the Mexican groom's visa was about to expire. Never-the-less, it was apparent that this couple was very much in love, and all of the bride's family and friends were pleased with the match. The ceremony was simple, but I know they will always remember the vows they made to each other that day, in which they said: "I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward, for the rest of my life."